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Braindead

by hama.

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1.
Braindead 02:30
Falling out: hear your name. Fuck a friend: feel again. And I'm so high. And you know: lay low. You're so fit: I'm alone. Light the flash: fill your clothes. And I can't feel my legs. Braindead. Braindead.
2.
My Parents 05:30
Well I swear I thought my mother was crying because my dad's never home, and my sister is dying. Well sometimes people break and they change and sometimes disease will take over their brains. Well my best friends were dying all at the same time. I didn't complain, I just sat there all night. But I never went to see them in bed. I pretended I was old, and they were already dead. Well my mum's had enough and my father won't think. He just walks back and forth until we're all out of drinks. And my sister won't eat and she's losing her hair. We're all too stupid to notice and she just doesn't care.
3.
Sleep 01:34
4.
White 03:10
When you were young, your thoughts were quiet, and the sun still rose above our beds I couldn't find a way to circumscribe the way I went. And you would laugh and never realise that dreams so old could come so young. Not knowing where it fell apart but knowing it's undone. And now we're old with bloody noses and with gum lines that recede like feelings. Throbbing by the second, hearts that bleed unclean too fast. And now our tongues are numb, I can't articulate or live within my head. Make it last not feeding noses but our mouths to wake up dead. Now sometimes words come out so empty, like they've never burdened thought before. I'm getting high up in the bathroom, pick my dad up from the floor. But it is cold, and it is quiet, and it is too, too hard to speak sometimes. I know I'm not approachable but you don't seem to mind.
5.
Well I think I made you sad again. You must be getting used to this by now. Well I'm acting like my dad again. I'm throwing fits, and staying up, and caring only about myself. I'll worry all my friends. I'll worry all my friends. I'll worry all my friends. I'll worry all my friends. Well I think I broke my brain again. The desperation is apparent and cuts holes inside my nose. Well I'm starting to feel pain again. Or is it real? I can't remember but you told me where to go. but where are all my friends? where are all my friends? where are all my friends? where are all my friends?
6.
Nicotine 04:38
Oh honey, I'm so tired. Breathe into me and I'm sure I'll be fine. What are you doing? You know we can't stay inside. We'll start up the fire, and your fingers hide. Well nicotine, I think you're cheating on me. You know me so well. Yeah, nicotine. I love your funny face. How many lips do you need, my dear? Oh darling, don't be like that. You're temporary but that don't mean you won't last. Kisses by morning and kisses all day. You won't hesitate, love, to hear what I say. Well, nicotine holding hands and kisses on the street. You'll be on the sidewalk sooner than you know. Well, nicotine you're so consumed when people tell you what they think. Or is it the silent implication that possesses you?
7.
Your Parents 01:44
Oh. Is this how you said it would end? Oh. Sometimes you remember your childhood friends, and the bedrooms you hid in while their parents were fighting and waiting till college to remember the time that your dad came home early to a mother of two that he thought he could trust with a marriage he swore, as a kid, wouldn't happen. Because his parents weren't happy and they fought all the time. Oh. Is this how you said it would end? Oh. Your parents are crying again.

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released April 6, 2016

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hama. New York, New York

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